Since 2007, I’ve been writing the bore, my annual bitchfest about played-out trends or annoying things I don’t want to see in restaurants or bars in the new year. I also include some gripes about bad diner behavior and content creators, since we’re all in this ecosystem together, for better and for worse. I usually keep things positive over here, but it’s my yearly excuse to be salty, so let’s do this.
1. Shitty caviar service. I already called out caviar on errrrrything, and while I’m happy for restaurants to be able to have this hawt little moneymaker on their menus, we need to have some basic elements of proper caviar service if you’re going to sell the cocaine of food: abalone or other non-reactive spoons (what’s up with the metal spoons you just served us?), something to keep the caviar chilled (but keep the melting ice from getting into the tin, yo!), and a couple cute accompaniments—cold, pasty blini aren’t it.
2. Ubiquitous Caesar salads. I fricking love Caesar salads, but do we need to see them on every menu? (And come on, where are the anchovies?) I know, you’re doing some fun twist on it, and unless you’re Rose Pizzeria with their stupid-delicious spicy Calabrian chile and miso dressing, please, don’t fuck with perfection. It’s time for a new salad! Dazzle us!
3. Smash burgers. I almost called out smash burgers back in 2021, but they slowed their roll. Alas, they’re back with a vengeance, and I have some beef with ’em! While it’s a style of burger I enjoy when I want something greasy or decadent, and some folks do a smashing job with them, I need to stop seeing it as the sole burger style on so many restaurant menus. Long live a juicy beef patty.
(While I’m at it, why can’t we have more of our local steakhouses offer a badass, prime, dry-aged burger, like Peter Luger in New York? I was discussing this with a tablehopper subscriber, and I would just die if Harris’ started serving an off-menu, late-night burger at the bar, or next door.)
4. Signature dishes. Did you really just ask a restaurant that has been open for a week what their signature dish is? The place just opened. Everyone needs to calm down. Give chef time to spring some new dishes on us over the next few months and then let everyone decide what rocks.
5. One-hit-wonder dining. Folks, unless a restaurant is known for serving ONE thing (pizza, smash burgers, quesabirrias), it’s time to start thinking about becoming a repeat customer at places and trying other things on the menu. Did you like your first experience? Great. Instead of posting for the ’gram (“I went there and had the signature dish, check, look at meeee!”) and moving on to the next new opening you spotted on TikTok, what about returning to a spot you liked? In order for restaurants to stick around and have a sustainable business model for more than eight months, they’re going to need to see you again. The more we treat restaurants like fast fashion, the faster they’re going to leave us.
6. “It did not disappoint!” Perhaps I used this cringe phrase in the beginning of my food writing days, but can everyone please stop with: “I went to this new blabbity blah and it did not disappoint!” I see it daily, everywhere. Instead, how about: “This place was a blast!” Or: “The fries are all that!” Or maybe: “The hype is real!” Saying something didn’t disappoint is so tepid, and such a back-handed compliment. It’s like you expected it to suck. What’s wrong with some enthusiasm?
7. Same goes for: “You can’t go wrong with…” Actually, you can. Basta.
8. Tiny-ass fonts. OK, restaurants, thanks to many of you for retiring QR code menus (that was on my 2023 bore list), but now that we’re getting back to printed menus, enough with the minuscule fonts—menus have become impossible to read. Did you really use a seven-point serif font in a soft grey on vellum paper and expect me to read it? Go ahead, call me an old lady—I may have some readers in my purse, but I will still close the club hours after you went home, so shut it. Maybe your designer should sit in your dark dining room after a couple drinks and try to read the menu before you print it. Do not make me turn on my phone light, for the love of goddess!
9. Table lights. Oh wait, never mind, let me turn on this annoying little table light that is not only taking up precious table real estate along with the silverware caddy and water carafe, but it’s also too damn bright. Some have different brightness settings, but the LED light is usually cold and not going to help me take better pictures of your food—I feel like we’re about to operate on that pork loin. Nurse, suction! (But the lights come in handy at outdoor tables at night, so those can stay.)
10. Misogynistic wine service. Tap tap tap, is this thing on? Good. It’s 2025, and a few months ago, I witnessed the owner of a wine bar offer a taste of Champagne to the sole male at our table and then ask him if our table of three wanted a bottle of it, while my friend (a female wine professional) and I sat there with our jaws falling off the table and sliding onto the floor like Dalí’s clocks. After twenty-plus years in F&B, sure, we’ll drink anything, don’t ask us! I mean, what do we know? Besides, we’re invisible! Yeah, right. Don’t be that guy. Simply ask who’s tasting for the table (and don’t just look at the male).
Is there something I missed? Do you feel like bitching too? Go ahead and email me. But first, read past issues of the bore here to catch up on my previous kvetches, like fake neon signs and serving food on metal trays.
