|
What
I Don’t Want to See More of in 2008
1.
I love pork as much as the next guy, but all this pork belly
nonsense is getting out of hand (and getting us fat).
2. I am so stanca (tired/fatiguée) of panna cotta
and its rainbow of flavors. It’s like last year's crème
brûlée, and the cavalcade of bread pudding before
that. Can I just have some pie?
3. 35 wines by the glass, that’s great, but do they have
to average $12 each? Jeez. I’m back on the bottle.
4. Since we’re on wine, what is up with all the
wine bars opening? It’s becoming a joke. We have a wine bar
in each neighborhood, I think we can stop now. Well, unless yours
is going to be really cool and you’ll serve killer wines
in correct stemware and at the right temperature. (And pizzerias
are coming up close on wine bars’ heels. We’ll be
seeing them on this list in 2009, mark my words.)
5. Ok, this has become my biggest pet peeve: servers and bussers
who say, "You still working on that?" What am I, a
hyena gnawing off the last shreds of meat on a wildebeest thighbone?
That phrase needs to be banished from restaurant lexicon. Be
the change.
6. Hey, I dig salts. It’s why I have at least ten at home
I like to play with. But offering four kinds on the table to
sprinkle on your buttered bread, or listing them as an ingredient
in certain dishes is, uh, trying too hard.
7. Why are open kitchens continuing to be a “hot” design
trend? They are noisy, and there’s a lot I don’t
need to watch (or see, yikes, you did not just drop that towel
on the floor and then pick it up and use it again?). Unless it’s
a gorg kitchen like, say, Myth’s. Perhaps bacar started
a trend by covering theirs up.
8. Another thing cropping up in restaurants that pains me is flat
screen TVs. Unless you’re a sports bar, I think they are
ugly, distracting, and playing art house films doesn’t
really constitute good décor.
9. Saketinis and nasty soju cocktails are usually so wrong. I’m
sorry you don’t have a liquor license, but do you really
need to create a list of eight saketinis, and for $9 each? Just
do some good Champagne cocktails instead—and they taste
a hell of a lot better.
10.
It’s
gotta be said (and it breaks my meat-loving heart), but salumi
has become a runaway train. Some people know what they’re
doing, but many of these entry-level efforts need to stay home.
Just because the meat didn’t rot doesn’t make that
coppa a success, and let’s not even talk about the fact
you’re selling it off at $14 a plate.
What I Don’t Want to See More of
In 2007
1. No more variations on tuna tartare. Basta,
please.
2. Enough with the silly amuse bouches. Unless
you’re busting out something special or exquisite, say, with
caviar. Otherwise, I am no longer amused.
3. Will the tyranny of crème brûlée
flavored with [insert trendy ingredient here, from tea to yuzu]
ever stop? And the mini trios of them, lord help me. Oh, and let’s
not forget bread pudding. It’s become the new flourless chocolate
cake.
4. Pinot Noir. Yes, it’s a lovely varietal
that pairs wonderfully with food, but I say be a contrarian and
start ordering Merlot like a maniac.
5. Bottle service. ‘Nuff said.
6. While we’re on booze, will everyone lay
off the Fernet abuse already? Try something new, like Averna, or
even Amaro Montenegro.
7. Truffle oil. Don’t even get me started.
8. Kobe beef. Unless that steak tartare or 6 oz.
filet is $150 and it’s really from Kobe, it’s just Wagyu,
or Kobe-style beef, not the real deal. I wish diners and servers
would stop talking about it like it’s true Kobe beef, because
that Prada bag is fake, baby.
9. Braised short ribs. They’re almost like
truffle oil in this town i.e. everywhere.
10. Hamachi crudos. Lemme guess, with yuzu, or
a special salt?
|
